The Love in Loss

We've all heard the saying "the We've all heard the saying "the only guarantees in life are death and taxes" but how true is that? Is life really just that simple? Taxes might be the most complex thing about this country, none of it makes any sense to anybody! I understand the purpose and perceived benefits of paying taxes like getting protection, maintaining roadways, and funding various help programs but the way we do it in the United States makes no sense. I'm not even talking about how the United States chooses to attribute funding to those categories, that'd make this a fiscal policy blog and I will never be the person to write that. I'm talking about how we as citizens pay taxes. In other countries the government files taxes for their citizens and then lets them know what they have to pay in. In this country we all individually get to spend weeks freaking out, gathering statements and forms to construct a proposal stating what we believe is owed or should be refunded and we send that to the government who has the exact amount already. If you're right: two thumbs up! If you're wrong: tax fraud trial! See that makes no sense and definitely doesn't sound simple to me but I digress as this isn't about taxes, they were just the vehicle I used to express how even a "simple" guarantee is complex when you take the time to analyze things and ultimately try to understand them.

The only true guarantee we all have in life is anything but simple. We all analyze it but often struggle to understand how to deal with the outcome. Each and every one of us react in ways unique to ourselves as its not something that's governed by law and order, it's governed by the power of human connection and personal experience. Death is the only true guarantee as its the only thing nobody can avoid, you can avoid taxes if you really want to, I don't recommend it but you have the choice to do so, and death doesn't give us a choice. Life and death are determined by time and circumstance, our life clocks start the day we're born and on some unknown day in the future our clock will strike midnight. We have different hours, different days, different months, different years, and different circumstances dictating when our clocks start and how fast they tick. That's the bitch about death, there are people that we build meaningful relationships whose clocks will strike midnight before ours and it's impossible to know exactly how many ticks someone has left. The clock of others doesn't really come into focus until wanting more time together becomes a priority and that often comes when we get news that midnight is near. More time doesn't exist but we want it, we want it more than anything, and how do we cope with that? By believing this is true even when we hurt like hell; "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" - Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Grieving the loss of someone you loved is the pain of knowing you'll never make any new memories with them. The memories you made before the loss are what will define them in your mind when you reflect back. We hurt because those memories played a part in shaping us, they mean the world to us because without them we'd be different, a lesser version of who we are today. Grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends are scattered throughout our timelines with "I remember when" stories that we remember fondly, some of those relationships just have more time to compound those stories than others.

I have loved and lost quite a few times and its been painful every damn time but I wouldn't want it any other way. Every person that I've lost is someone that I hold near and dear to my heart because of the memories they gave me and the things I learned from them. I'm grateful to have known them eventhough I didn't get as much time as I wanted with them but I can't be upset, I know time is finite for all of us and I just used my alloted amount with them. I don't like thinking about it as having loved and lost though, it paints love as something that you shut the door on when loss comes around. Instead, I believe that I will always love and that means they will never actually be lost. Those that already gone and the one's that are yet to come will live on as a piece of me long after their clocks hit midnight. Never loving at all sounds super miserable, love like it will never be lost instead, it comes with a ton of pain but its a pain you become grateful for after a couple ticks of your clock.